9/29/07: One whole year since it all came crashing down. I should throw a party.

Dear Frippy: Let's do the list thing again, even though lists aren't even safe. I should learn this from my own past experience and yours, too. But I'm a-gonna give it a shot anyway. So this list is of some of the things/people that make me happy (in random order - if I had to order these in a meaningful way I'd have to get another PhD first).

1. I live in a cool house with a cool roommate.
2. I'm financially secure enough that I don't worry money too much.
3. Rockclimbing, biking, swimming, yoga/pilates, aerobics.
4. El señor B, B-alicious, Dragonslayer & Sleep Goblin, D&L, S&J, C&M-V, NATO, B&A, K&S (again, pay no heed to the order). These amazing friends in particular really helped me to survive mostly psychologically intact through the last year.
4 1/2. All my other friends, too numerous to list.
5. My beautiful family: Mumsie, Pfather, Em-o-lee, the Goose, Papa, the R's and the C's.
6. Playing cribbage with J the V. I'm ahead one game, if you don't count the skunk, but we're both winners.
7. My babies, past and present: Toot, Ollie, Otto, Biner, Senna, Boris, Sven the Pooper, Cecil, Occifer.
8. I've got a job that I don't detest.
9. Not being a grad student any more.
10. KMNR 89.7FM and WSUM 91.7FM, complete with all the associated peeps.
11. Cleavage.
12. Music - that I've found, that other people have led me to.
13. Tacos.
14. The saddest lesbian, the saddest percolator, on the top of my Escalade, and inside jokes.
15. Spending time by myself, not having to make time for someone else, self-sufficiency.
16. Salads.
17. I've got a kick-ass hairdresser. Not a negligible accomplishment, on my part or hers.
18. I know that somewhere out there are people who like me, love me, desire me, fear me, hate me, admire me. I may be lonely but I'm far from alone.
19. Cleaning the bathroom, especially post-chuff. Weird, I know, but oh! the shiny porcelain.
20. Reading. This kind of went downhill while I was a grad student but I'm starting to get back in the habit of always having at least one good book going.
21. Dancing, at parties or by myself. Booty dancing, mostly. Oooh, and booty dancing music - the nastier the better.
22. Dirty jokes, filthy mouths, and the people who appreciate them.
23. Throwing parties for which it takes weeks to plan the menu and days to prepare it. Making big elaborate dinners for a bunch of people. Also, big Saturday breakfasts at our house when D grills bacon and bitches about us cooking the eggs too fast.
24. Deviled eggs, and their propensity to be part of nearly every meaningful family gathering.
25. Everything about Australia, except how far away it is.
26. The summer, hot and dirty weather, humidity. Yummy.
27. Shiny and sparkly things. Like a magpie or a packrat.
28. Making out, spooning, and the like. Or at least I seem to remember that those things made me happy. Maybe it will again someday, if I don't go the crazy rat-lady route.
29. Sleeping in late. Like afternoon late.
30. Burlesque shows - the cornier the better.

and one to grow on, so's to balance out the last such list:
31. Writing stuff for y'all to read. Awwwwww...........

Okay okay one more: I am in awe - absolute utter AWE - of this picture.

Picture caption: My mumsie's new babies, Yogi and Booboo. I'll come by the crazy rat-lady role through genetics, it seems.

Throw your body down

Musical evidence that the unanticipated shouldn't be the undesired:

Roots Manuva "Run come save me" - I was first introduced to Roots Manuva shortly after its debut in 2001 via a video for "Witness (One Hope)" on some random DVD from some random zine that my then-partner picked up (randomly). I loved the song, the video is heelarious and it plus various other tracks on the DVD (Select #5) became part of the Thanksgiving tradition now running 7 years strong with S, J & K, B and el señor B. J and I are the only two original playas left, incidentally. The first time I perused through J the V's music collection, roughly 5 years later, he by chance came across and suggested I try the full album. Borrowed it. Loved it. My favorite track is "Join the Dots" f. Chali 2na of J5 'cause the beats is bumpin' and Mr. 2na's voice makes me wanna do it. The music is dub/dancehall reminiscent hip-hop with some pretty complex rhythmic themes, and Roots' British accent adds an interesting flavor to the mix. Non-American rappers always sound a little weird to me - ever heard Turkish-German rap? - crazy. I just borrowed the dub remix of this album (Dub come save me) and haven't had much of a chance to listen yet, but what I've heard so far is promising. [Later: All four sides of this album are excellent. Good dinner party music.]

Sin Ropas "Trickboxes on the pony line" - I haphazardly picked this album out of the rock box at WSUM in 2003 to review because it was in a non-standard jewel case and I liked the label name (Sad Robot). Took it home, reviewed it as I washed a mountain of dishes, and fell in love with it. This album is not for everybody. In fact, the only other people I've known who have liked it were DJs with experimental rock shows. The music itself is slow, weird, dissonant, dark and moody, has some strange but compelling sounds and is really great to wash a mess of dishes to at high volume. And as far as experimental rock goes, it's not too obtuse of a listen - there is obvious melody, beat, and pattern throughout. A fortuitous pick, I count this as one of the jewels of discovery from my time at WSUM.

Come sun, come rain, come hailstone pelt.

Man, it is rough getting up at 6am on a Saturday morning. Especially when WPR is telling me it's a whopping 33°F outside, and not a lot warmer in my room besides. The East Bluff was nothing short of a clusterfuck - nobody warned us it was annoying large guided climbing group extravaganza weekend - and I didn't even get on Flake Route as planned (it turns out I could have, but that's a whole other story that involves feeling stabby). We set up Orgasm (5.8) and Orgasm Direct (5.11b), which I haven't attempted in years. I didn't even set a rope, which means I'd hauled a 40 lb. pack all the way up the CCC trail for naught other than to offend my poor knees.

I remember thinking previously how ridiculous getting over the roof on Orgasm was due to a serious lack of good footholds. The roof went easy this time around, although I did still struggle a bit getting my feet over, so I guess I've adapted to the classic DLSP-type climb over the years. R sent the Direct route without much apparent effort, but it's been his nemesis for a while so he's got the sequence down cold. I banged away at it for a good half hour at least, alternating fantastic swings and hang-dogging with moves of ultimate desperation. It was a brilliant climb and I think I'll project that one also, so now I've got 2 East Bluff projects. I'm still amazed to even be attempting anything in the 5.11 range.

R and I left the lake early for a wedding in BFE, WI - the first of two I was to attend this weekend. Both weddings were pretty decent, as weddings go, but in general I despise weddings: the formalism, the ritualism, the fucking theatrical displays of socially acceptable love, ugh. Took some good pictures with those disposable cameras everyone puts on the dinner tables these days, though. At N's wedding, got cleavage shots of everybody around our table and then N squeezing 'em together himself! That dude's a champion. Also took a few good pics of el señor B's ass in some very tight jeans. Only a fool would trust any of us with a camera. I wish I would have brought my digital camera to either wedding, 'cause I'll never see any of those pictures.
2007 Dating Ban update: I feel very relaxed. This was a good move.

And now: photo captions for the weekend my parents came to visit. 1. A funny face from me. I'm pretty sure this is how I look most of the time, if only because people frequently ask me to re-make some face that I didn't even know I'd made. 2. Mumsie & Pfather. Now you know where I get it from. 3. What are those? Why, they're J the V's arm warmers! Kept the skeeters off and my legs warm! More proof that ridiculous is the look I tend to favor.

You are my sweetest downfall

I had one project for each of the west bluff, east bluff, and old sandstone areas this summer.

Early on in the season I cleaned up on my old sandstone project, Baker Street: a long, slightly slabby, sequency beast consisting of teensy crimp followed by even teensier crimp. I've seen it toss off many a climber used to ascending tougher stuff than its 5.10d rating would suggest. It was actually my project from the previous summer, but I didn't climb much that year and could never remember where the nearly invisible intermediate holds were.

Last weekend D, U and I headed over to the site of my project there. Coup d'Etat, at 5.11a/b, is my most ambitious project to date, even if it is rather short. There's just no feet to the thing, and the nasty thin finger crack causes even a crack-lover like me pause. With some fancy footwork, two tries, and a whole lot of much-appreciated shouting from D and U, I finally clawed my way up that one. That success made up for getting spooked on Son of Great Chimney (on top-rope nonetheless) and demanding to be set down later in the day.

After that victory, I feel ready to challenge my east bluff project tomorrow: Flake Route, a classic Devil's Lake quartzite climb. She's dead vertical with tiny crimps, long reaches, and real balancy, too. I've been on her twice previously this summer and just haven't been able to power through the end. I'll let you know how that goes - wish me luck.

Today I am just trashed from too much activity and not enough sleep yesterday. Rode Little Red the ~ 6.5 mi into campus, with 20 mph gusts pushing against me, to meet el señor B to try out a yoga/pilates class at the SERF. It was a decent class, I think we're going to both try to incorporate it into our weekly workout. Did some easy biking mid-day just to get around campus and then biked home, against the wind again.* Then went on to the climbing gym where I didn't exactly throw down, but I didn't take it easy either. Made it to bed at a decent time but got woken up twice in the wee hours of the morning by drunk people and then whiny cats. The bike ride coming in today was sick. I actually dismounted for a couple blocks after nearly falling over in the wind.

I think I'll make Sunday a total rest day.

Oooh yeah, I just bought a ticket to Puerto Rico for vacation. Iffin anyone has tips on things I should do while I'm there (other than sit on the beach, which I plan to do plenty of), lemme know.

Finally, to your left is a weird rice/banana/bean-based dessert I got from Angkor Market for a dinner I made for D, L and M. It was about as tasty as it is visually appealing. In my own defense, it was wrapped in a banana leaf when I bought it so I really had no idea what to expect. I like the picture anyway, though, because it reminds me of one of my favorite coffee-table books.

*It's a shitty fact about biking in Madison: even though the town itself is really bike-friendly, the wind is not. 90% of the time there's at least a 10 mph wind going, thanks to the lakes I think, and it shifts during the day such that I'm pushing against it 99% of the time. I really should get a better commuter bike - you know, one with multiple gears that weighs less than 50 lbs. But how would I ever find anything as stylin' as Little Red?

In which I whine about stuff that's neither original nor noteworthy but it's mine

After 11 years with the same person, I got dumped nearly a year ago now. Although the true end took quite a while longer to come around due to a really awful and obviously unsuccessful attempt to patch things up. If we go by that end date, then I'm only clocking in as a truly single lady for about 7 months. It was most likely the right thing to happen - we just didn't work well together any more, if we ever did. But that doesn't stop me from missing S. That makes sense being that over a third of my life was built with him and he's the only person who's known me for my entire adult experience, at least up until 7 months ago. But I had thought (hoped?) that he wouldn't still be factoring into my life by now, and here I am writing a fricking blog entry about how I still miss him and think about him most days (not all, though, not all).

Things that make me miss him in particular:

--Going to a party/dinner/gathering and noticing that I'm the only uncoupled person there and/or attending any sort of "hey look at us we're so happy together" event such as a wedding, anniversary party, etc. It makes me want to kick people. Fuck (apparently) happy couples.

--Rainy days (like yesterday) make me pretty much want to cry all day long.

--A whole lot of music that either he introduced me to or even vice-versa, or that we both just liked. Also, pretty much any song about relationships gone bad which, in case you've never paid attention, is most music. I'm quite jealous of Frippy, who has somehow gotten around this common symptom.

--Being sick or just generally not feeling well. It's not that there's nobody who will bring me soup, or rub my hair, or give me a hug, or do any variety of things that are done to make sick/sad people feel better, but there's nobody who will always do it without me asking them to first.

Even missing S on such occasions, I have no desire to stick anyone else in his former role just yet or maybe even ever. Not that it has stopped me from trying, but each attempt has resulted in me flipping out when faced with the remotest hint of a possibility of developing any sort of intimate (and I mean psychologically here) relationship. As such, I'm officially instituting a dating ban for at least the rest of 2007. That's right. Fuck it. It's for the greater good. If the ban goes well, I may just declare myself the crazy old spinster rat-lady from here on out. I think I'd be okay with that.

I'm really quite the antisocial person. If I don't have significant chunks of each and every day entirely to myself then I turn cranky fast. I'm in the middle of a serious hermitic phase at the moment. I'd just rather be sitting by myself, or eating by myself, or reading a book or watching a movie by myself, or having a solo dance party, or playing with Toot and Ollie (my rats) all alone than doing any of it with company. I've been forcing a social life on myself recently anyway, in case you're all "Dude, I've totally been hanging out with you lately, Dr. 1%", but it's been requiring a whole lot of effort. Perhaps I should amend my description: I am a social misanthrope. That is, I do like social interactions, at least in moderation, but I'm readily annoyed. If I were to sketch out a representation of my irritability, it would look like:Which is why I usually show up late to parties and then leave early. I'm pretty sure it's why me and el señor B and other good friends of mine get along so well - we're all a bunch of surly mofos. Cantankerous jerks of the upper midwest UNITE!

Addendum: Saw S on the bike path the next evening - in fact, got stuck at a long light with him. Wasn't too bad, first time I haven't cried after such an encounter. YAY ME.

Addendum to addendum: Had another S encounter, leading me to realize that actually, I'm over him now. I mean, I'm still all kinds of fucked up in the relationship arena, but now it's all on me and situations and not on him anymore. That's a good thing, I suppose?

That's why they're called business socks - oooh!

Summer turns to fall
But, Kronos Workforce Central®,
You remain - that sucks.

This probably does not interest anybody except me. My blog - screw you suckas.

For the last several days I've been eating like a regent. This is kind of a brag-blag entry. Read 'em and drool.

Thursday: I had some okra and wax beans from the farmer's market, as well as some tomatoes from my parents' garden, that needed to be used up before I went to MN for the weekend. So I fried it all up in some Indian spices and ate with rice. I LOVE okra. I would marry it if I could. It reminds me of being a kid and eating it pickled with my dad. I'm going back to the farmer's market for more this weekend.

Friday: Upon arrival in MN, was treated to a feast by B, L, and T. Amongst the offerings were homemade hummus, baba ganouj and mahamara with pita and veggies, a variety of unusual cheeses, some kind of lentil pilaf, spanakopita, huge chunks of feta, a parsnip stew (usually I hate parsnips but this was yummy) with Israeli couscous, dolmades stuffed in collards instead of grape leaves, lemon mousse, pistachio-white chocolate shortbread, chocolate-ginger banana bread, my okra leftovers and probably more that I'm forgetting at the moment. It was excellent and I stuffed myself silly. Here's B, me and L post-gluttony:
Saturday: B & I shared a late breakfast of huevos rancheros, buckwheat pancakes and coffee at the Seward Café. Six of us went for dinner at Evergreen Taiwanese Restaurant and shared cold, vinegared kelp knots and lotus root, Three Cup Tofu (oh. my. gawd.), Singapore curry noodles, garlic green beans, garlic eggplant, some kind of tofu/red pepper dish and a curry seitan dish. It was amazingly good and I will be going back there whenever I'm in Minneapolis again. Later at the party was lots of cheese (blueberry, horseradish, various bries, 10-yr cheddar and more) and beer, mostly local (WI and MN).

Sunday: Breakfast made for me - TWICE! First J & K invited B and I over for Florentine omelets, hashbrowns, muesli'n'yogurt, tea'n'coffee'n'juice. We weren't even expecting to be fed, it was a nice surprise and I won't see those kids again until Thanksgiving, when el señor B and I will host them for a feast. Then off to T & L's again for sautéed veggies with tofu and eggs, lemon scones, blueberry muffins, various leftovers from Friday night and more coffee.

Monday: Back at home, had a wind-down day all to myself but then decided to invite el señor B over for dinner to use up some more produce getting ready to go bad. A proper southern-midwest spread of corn-on-the-cob, mac'n'cheese with broccoli, more okra, and collard greens from T & L's garden with onions and chorizo. Had blackberry applesauce and cocoa-nut muffins for dessert (B - remind me to give you that muffin recipe along with the bran-jam one)

Tuesday: The gorgeous E invited el señor B and I over for dinner just 'cause she's that sweet. There was a variety of breads with olive oil & balsamic in a little dipping dish just like at the restaurants, some crazy spicy casserole dish that was full of all kinds of unidentifiable veggies but it was good (it had beets in it and normally I despise beets, but I liked this anyway), some yummy white bean mixture with dressing and roasted yams. There were cocoa almonds for dessert and also some beet-apple-pear crisp but I wasn't willing to go that far with the beet thang. Got home and my roomie D had made a white chili. He and J had made a bit of an error with the cayenne measurements (little "t" = teaspoon) so it was very spicy but still very good.

I tried to warn you that this was probably not of interest to anyone but me, but I really wanted to have a record of the incredible eating I've been doing over the last week. I'd been trying to gain a few pounds, perhaps if I'm feeling lucky I'll weigh myself at the gym this week to see if I've made any headway.

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I've got a spoon, a soup spoon, a fork, and some rough bamboo chopsticks in my top drawer at work. These utensils are for eating my lunch, and that's what I use them for. I never wash them. When I'm done eating I just lick and then wipe them off with a napkin. Sometimes more than once if necessary, like if I ate something cheesy. Now these utensils have only been around for about 2 months, but I'm pretty sure I used the same pair of chopsticks for over 3 years in my last office without ever washing 'em proper. I think that this builds character, as well as a healthy immune system. My previous office mate, C (hey girl, drop us a line from the isles), thought it disgusting. On the few occasions when she was desperate enough to borrow silverware from me, she washed and then disinfected them with 200-proof ethanol. The joys of working in a chemical lab included very unsafely keeping wash bottles of 200-proof ethanol at our desks. I cringe to think of the highly evolved cultures that were lost during the rare occasion of disinfection. Maybe I had been on track to discover the next penicillin. Also, I miss that ethanol wash bottle - I should have brought it with me. Above: the Michel-Levy chart, a handy tool in light microscopy of thin films of birefringent materials such as liquid crystals.