Tonight I feel lonely

What better way to pass the time than to enumerate one's faults? As a disclaimer, I don't necessarily count all of these as faults myself (e.g. #8), but some do so I'll include them. Now if you decide at some point that you don't like me for something below-well, fair warning. I think one for every year of my life should be sufficient.

1. I have a quick temper.
2. I don't always listen very well to people. A lot of the time I'm just waiting to talk.
3. I am easily distracted.
4. I've got a crappy-ass memory.
5. I hate everyone I don't know.
6. I'm quite lazy.
7. I like to spend a lot of time by myself.
8. I've got a fucking potty mouth.
9. I say inappropriate things, i.e. I speak before I think.
10. I can't keep a secret unless I've been explicitly told to keep it. Or perhaps this would be
put better as: I can't identify the things that other people want me to keep secret.
11. I am overly friendly (it can be a problem).
12. I'm loud and obnoxious.
13. I speak with authority about everything (That's how I like to put it. Others would say I'm a know-it-all and/or just plain full of shit).
14. I'm stubborn.
15. I'm exceptionally bossy.
16. I don't like to do things if I'm not good at them.
17. My primary interpersonal problem-solving strategies are denial and avoidance.
18. I talk a lot, yet I often have trouble communicating with my loved ones about important things.
19. I'm a half-assed wannabe hypochondriac. That is, I don't imagine symptoms, but if I do have symptoms then I always assume the worst possible cause.
20. I don't talk to my family enough.
21. Even though I have strong feelings about the economy, politics, the environment, etc., I don't do very much about it.
22. Some things I refuse to forgive, which is different from not being able to forgive - this goes back to #14.
23. Sometimes I make promises that I forget to keep. And I double-book myself all the time which means I'm always having to cancel something. These two go together because they're an offshoot of #4. Also, I can never remember anybody's goddamn name.
24. I'm not very good about keeping up with my friends if they don't make an effort to keep up with me.
25. I tell people way too much stuff-that is, I'm truly incapable of keeping my own secrets. I'm sure all of my co-workers know way more about my personal life than they care to.
26. I'm one of those strangers on the bus or in the grocery store that talks to you.
27. I'm selfish.
28. I can be really mean. I don't do it often, but I'm pretty talented at pointed cruelty, and slightly proud about that fact.
29. I am a monstrous flirt. And vain.
30. I just dragged you through this boring bit of self-something-or-other.

And one to grow on...
31. I don't feel very bad about most of these things.

Meh, at least I'm not a backstabbing, two-faced, inconsiderate, manipulative, indecisive, ball-less fucking coward, but that's another story. And at least you know all this up front now. You couldn't tell merely from viewing cute pictures of me like this one. My, that was cathartic. Was it good for you, too? Tough! (#25,27)

Aussie is pronounced "Ozzie". It's an Aussie pet peeve.

The second time in my life that I looked around me and realized that I was hopelessly in love with everyone around me happened in Newcastle, Australia, whilst I was doing a semester abroad there.

My roommate, H, was on the dole (welfare) and all day long he'd drink warm wine-inna-box and smoke off of a bong while simultaneously listening to the stereo and watching t.v. He'd alternate the sound between the two. Twice a month he'd turn in an application at a McDonald's that he knew wasn't hiring so that he could stay on the dole. Once a week he'd go play basketball with some friends. He was a massive guy, I swear at least 7 feet tall and not skinny, but I always forgot how huge he was because he was always sitting in his chair (he was quite possessive of it), doing the whole wine/bong/multimedia thang. Sometimes his friend Beagles (that's not quite his name, but it sounded like that to me) would come over and join him in these activities. They were both super-nice, super-fun-to-talk-to and never once hit on me. As a 20-year old woman who was not too bad-looking and had trouble letting dudes down, this was greatly appreciated on my part.

And then: the ladyfriends. There were a ton of international students that all hung together, because we were the ones that wanted to go out and experience all kinds of stuff. The Aussies would always try to put you off a week or two but we all wanted to make the most of our time there. At the core of my particular network were 4 American ladies: Ja, L, Ji and C. It was Ja who I met first. I was walking across the Uni and spied a hott lady with the lower half of her head shaved, the rest being in extensions, and a big tattoo on her skull. It was too much for me to resist and so I caught up to her to tell her that I liked her tattoo. I was flabbergasted to discover that the first random person I talked to in all of Australia was another American.

Adventures! Oh, the adventures we all had together. I can't even start to write about them here, because which ones would I choose? Crashing the houseboat? Whirlwind Tasmanian expedition? Dressing up as the Spice Girls (yup, really)? Camping with the monsters? My 21st birthday? Big fruit statue tour? Too much to choose from. I kept in touch with them all for a long time, but now it's been 4 years anyway since I visited any of them (they all live on the west coast now and I'm a midwest gal). I still love them, though, and I miss them.

On another note entirely: I have a very loud laugh at times. I also laugh a lot. Mostly when stuff is funny, but also when I'm nervous, or sometimes to highlight a point in a story, or other times when laughter may not be the most appropriate response. Same thing with smiling - I smile too big and not always at the right times. They're both handy defense mechanisms, but it's gotten me into a bit of trouble in the past what with people misinterpreting why precisely I am smiling/laughing. In general, though, I like other people who also laugh and smile a lot. I think this is probably a fairly universal sentiment but I also think that I notice it more than a lot of other people do.

To your left (or perhaps above, depending upon your screen's resolution): defect structures in smectic 8CB. It's my favorite liquid crystal and this picture is quite different from most of those I've taken of 8CB. It's like an impressionistic pastoral scene! In LC!

What would triumvirate + 1 be?

Oh man, sometimes in life you just realize that you're in the middle of a really great thing. It won't last forever, and you probably wouldn't want it to anyway, but still you want it to last for a little bit longer. I am currently in the midst of a bunch of incredible peoples, mostly men-types, that just make me happy. I'd say this is probably only about the 4th time or so in my life when I've been totally in love with everyone around me.

The first time it happened was with a group of roommates in Kirksville, MO. We had a perfect sitcom situation. I mean, somebody had to have written this one up at some point. There were four of us total: 2 guys + 2 girls, 2 straight + 1 gay + 1 lesbian, all quirky personalities to say the least, all of us loud, opinionated, argumentative (there were 1.5 peacemakers though), 2 smokers + 2 non, a scientist, an engineer, a political scientist, a psych major. Our landlord and his wife (crazy hazel) lived downstairs, the landlord had a peg fucking leg, his wife was just creepy in a sweet kind of way. There was one of those landings at the bottom of the stairs in the living room, like they always have in t.v. sitcoms. And the stuff that happened to us was all sorts of sitcom-y. Like the time our friend who worked at the library came across a 40 year-old newspaper clipping describing a murder-suicide that had happened in our living room, so on the 40th anniversary we had a seance party with candles, a ouija board, the soundtrack from the shining, and then we were all convinced we saw ghosts for the next month.

It couldn't last. I went to Australia, then another went to Ireland, and anyway we all drove each other insane. But for about 9 months everything was more or less perfect in that situation.

I'm hoping to get another month or two out of what I've currently got going, before things change just enough that it's not quite the same.

A: Chuff or take a nap. Works in most situations.

Time for some more music chat, I think. I figure that way y'all get something out of coming here and reading my blog besides random, self-obsessed ramblings.

Bonnie "Prince" Billy - "The Letting Go" and "Master and Everyone"
I've always liked me one Mr. Will Oldham (aka Palace, Palace Brothers, Palace Songs, Palace Music). His music is simple, his voice plaintive, his lyrics contemplative. Genre-wise, I guess folk/alt-folk/lo-fi would apply to most of his recordings. "Master and Everyone" is my favorite album of his: obviously a break-up album, I couldn't listen to it for a while after my divorce because it made me cry. The first year I owned the album, I only listened to tracks #2-4, and in particular track #3 (Wolf Among Wolves), but when I finally gave the rest of the album a chance it was well worth multiple listens. I just got "The Letting Go" as a birthday gift from my parents. It's kind of hit-or-miss in my opinion, more heavily produced than the simpler stuff that is his real talent. I think some of the tracks are simply gorgeous (Cursed Sleep, Lay and Love) but some are just weird (Seedling). I'm not always keen on the female backing vocals, especially when she's just wailing away.

Mogwai - "Mr. Beast"
Oh. my. god. I loves me some instrumental, guitar-driven, dynamic, mathy, Scottish music. Every song on this album is a gem, but the heaviest tracks (Glasgow Mega Snake, We're No Here) rawk my skinny butt right off and are definitely my favorites. So loud. So. great. Then again, the beautiful piano melodies (Acid Rock, Friend of the Night) are so catchy that I find myself whistling them as I walk between various engineering campus buildings. I would so love to see these guys live - I hear that it's very loud and possibly life-altering.

Russian Circles - "Enter"
Speaking of instrumental, guitar-driven, dynamic, mathy, and loud, this is an incredible album. I saw them play it live and it was EXACTLY like the recording. I know that some people like to go to live shows and hear some deviation, but this album was already perfect, and their playing was perfect so really how could one complain? They're coming through Milwaukee in August and I will not miss them.

Q: WWFFD?

Well, business first: After just 3 days on the new job, I think I can state that it's going to be a good match. The people are nice, the work seems reasonable and IT'S NOT GRAD SCHOOL. Actually, I'm having a little trouble adjusting. For instance, it's supposed to be a 9a-5p type job more or less. On Monday, everybody in the office except for one other woman had left by 5p. I couldn't do it, I felt guilty. The other lady left at ~5:30p and managed to drag me with her. I got home BEFORE 6P and had no idea what to do with myself. Eventually I ate dinner and then engaged in some discussion about clockwise vs. counterclockwise penis-waving with el señor B and also a good game of Scrabble with A and B.

Tuesday I managed to leave at 5:05p. Today was a victory: 4:58p! It still feels odd, though. I've also been back to my old building every day so far, but that's just because my friends are still there. Plus today there were farewell brownies to be had for me and two postdocs from my former lab.

I'm slowly getting back to a steady workout schedule: climbed Sunday, biked and swam Tuesday, climbed Wednesday. Tomorrow is a rest day (I'd like to bike but rain is in the forecast so we'll see) and Friday is for swimb-ing. I feel much better when embedded solidly in my routine. I get mad cranky when I'm out of it, so suffice to say I've probably been less-than-optimally-pleasant of late (or perhaps, even less pleasant than normal) during all the thesis defense hullaballoo. My gustatory habits are also recovering from the pit of convenience foods they'd fallen into the last couple months. Now I just need to get on a decent sleep schedule and everything is great. Unless, that is, everything is ruined forever instead.

Finally: the picture is me and K-L posing in front of my non-winning science-as-art entry at a recent conference I attended. I got robbed! Seriously, my picture wasn't the best, but there were something like 10 winners and mine was better than a few of them anyway. I would have tried rigging the voting for the cash prize, but then I would have known that it was all a lie, and frankly, I'm not a very good liar. Takes too much energy.

Cleaning cleaning cleaning

If you type (or hand write) just about any word multiple times in a row, it starts to look like it's spelled incorrectly. Try it if you like. I suggest the word "perennial" (which blogger's spell checker assures me is correct).

I've returned home from a very relaxing week. I can't even begin to describe the feeling, I think you have to finish your Ph.D to truly understand how the ominous, omnipresent dread that's been hanging over my head for almost 6 years has suddenly and completely dissipated. I'm not saying I'll never be stressed out again, but never like that again I'm pretty sure.

Now I have to clean. The house - my room especially went to shit before the thesis defense/mad packing for vacation; my desk at work - how can I have so much paper crap and why won't I allow myself to throw it away now even though I know I will eventually?; and my lab bench, which shouldn't be too bad since I partially cleared it out a week ago. I didn't make it through nearly as much as I wanted to so I'm going to have to come into the office again tomorrow. I will finish tomorrow. I will. Quit laughing.

I wish that I had more of a break before my new job starts, but that's life and I'm glad to have a job at all, frankly.

Some more liquid crystal pictures for y'all.

Fluffy and sour like lime pie

I'm on VACATION! Nothing exotic. Spent a few extremely leisurely days in Iowa City, IA visiting my ladyfriends there. Iowa is flush with awesome ladyfriends for me, and being in the science & engineering trade, I sometimes have a little trouble making friends of the lady sort. I took my bike (aka "Little Red") in the back of my truck ("Big Red") such that I could participate in Ladies' Night at the Bike Library in IC, IA. A couple times that afternoon the tornado sirens went off and everybody there was freaking out, but I've never managed to be very concerned about tornadoes. So I just kept walking around downtown (too rainy to bike) because I figured that if a tornado was coming, I'd hear it and dash into the nearest coffee shop or overpriced knick-knack shop. Turns out there was a huge tornado there last spring that demolished a significant swath of town, and what are the odds that would happen two years in a row? Anyway, the point here is that Ladies' Night was cancelled. Poo. So I didn't get to fix/shine up Little Red's fenders after all.

That night I hung out with M, Dr. D (a real one!)-whom I hadn't seen in at least 3 years-and his entourage for the evening. It was fun, and I got to be my fantastically entertaining self (hey, I've got my moments, this blog apparently not incorporating any of them) with a group of people that I just might never see again. I still find it funny that a dirty mind and a foul mouth can shock adults my own age. As if they never think that stuff.

(Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of Midwest Vacation '07: How I didn't fix the e-beam evaporator)

I got mustard on my shirt, but it's black so that's okay

Short & sweet: I am now officially Dr. 1%, Ph.D. That's right, I can operate on your philosophy any ol' time now, especially if your philosophy involves liquid crystals.

Más música

Some things I have been enjoying on the bus lately:

Regina Spektor "Begin to Hope" - Way pop-ier than the first album of hers I loved (Soviet Kitsch) , less weird, more produced and generally accessible. Still, it took me a couple listens to really get into this. Regina has a fantastic voice control with respect to pitch, timbre, and intonation, with plenty-quirky melodies and lyrics, not unlike Bjork or Mirah. Some people would call this anti-folk, although that's a genre I'm still straining to wrap my head around. Her piano playing is lovely and although the upbeat tunes were the first to catch my attention ("Fidelity" and "Hotel Song" keep getting stuck in my head), the more laid-back tracks are also excellent.

Bad Brains "The Roir Sessions" - Lent to me by a friend, I can't believe I've never really listened to Bad Brains, Original DC Hardcore, a genre I was pretty into for a while in late high school. Anyway, it's a strange mix of hardcore/reggae/thrash, the sound quality is so-so, but it was just fun to listen to. It's nice to discover older albums rather than just new stuff all the time, and think of how they influenced the DC Hardcore kids what came after them. I recently watched the documentary "American Hardcore" with my roommate, which focuses for a while on Bad Brains. Now I see why.

Cat Power "The Greatest" - I loved this album when it first came out and I still do. Lately it's been speaking to me, it's like she's been in my head. The music is folk-pop-y and lighthearted but the lyrics are pretty freakin' poignant. The kind of lyrics that make me wish I could express myself like that (all of my attempts at "poetry" or whatever have been laughingly awful and it never conveys what I mean it to - I'm such an engineer). She's not the world's best singer, but somehow it fits the style of the music perfectly. My current favorite tracks: "Empty Shell", "The Moon" and "Love and Communication". I could listen to them on repeat for hours.